(My favourite photo of Elliot as a baby)
It is children's mental health week (6th-12th February), and it is a great opportunity for children and parents to share their story and raise awareness in the importance of protecting children's mental health. The theme this year is 'let's connect' and is all about making healthy connections to support our mental health and wellbeing (Children's Mental Health Week (childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk)).
Mental health is something I am very passionate about, and I have shared on here and my social media the impact that mental health has had on me following traumatic pregnancies and the death of my son. By working on my mental health, making connections with others and sharing my story, I have improved both mine and my children's life and wellbeing.
2020 was a huge year for everyone and the fear of the unknown, horror stories and lockdown had an impact on a lot of people's mental health, including our children. For my children, they lost their grandad at the start of March and then went into lockdown a week later. This meant that they had no outlet for their grief, and they couldn't connect with people outside of our home to cope with their loss and move forward. Being in lockdown for us meant being locked in a nightmare and locked in grief. Myself and my children's dad are not together, so they also didn't see their dad for a couple of months, as he was a key worker (We came to this decision together as we were both terrified of the children getting ill).
We finally got some normality and routine back in September 2020 when they returned to school. It was so exciting for them to see their friends again and get back to their old life, and I really started to see the spark returning after what had been a traumatic six months. A week after returning to school, my children were walking home from school with their dad, when my youngest son Elliot was hit by a car. He was rushed to hospital in an ambulance and had two broken bones in his left leg. He had to have another 10 weeks off school while his bones healed, and he spent a while in a wheelchair.
Eventually his bones healed and life went back to normal, but he wasn't the same child. He was only five years old and in the space of 6 months, he had suffered the death of his grandad, lockdown and the car accident. The impact on his mental health was huge. He had nightmares and woke up multiple times during the night. He was terrified of death and of other family members being injured or dying. He got very panicked and anxious when we were outside and he perceived any kind of threat or danger. He couldn't focus at school and was disruptive and angry. He was very emotional over the slightest thing. I have always referred to Elliot as my wild child, because he was always the one dancing, singing, bouncing off the walls and causing chaos, but he seemed like a shell of who he used to be.
I spoke to the school and asked if they had any referral scheme for counselling. I am a qualified counsellor myself and I believe everyone should have access to counselling, but I had never been in this situation and wasn't sure if schools in my area had the resources to provide this kind of service. Luckily, the school had very recently hired a child therapist and it felt like fate. Within 2 weeks, he was seeing a therapist within school hours, and I cannot begin to express my gratitude to this lady. I am a counsellor but when it came to my own child, I had no idea how to handle his mental health, and I'm so happy that I reached out. She did play therapy with Elliot which worked perfectly for him as he's a very playful, creative child. He came home with drawings and craft projects that he had made, and we also spoke briefly about what him and the therapist talked about. Some weeks he didn't have a lot to say, and I didn't pry as this was his own personal process and I didn't want to interfere. I let him know we can speak about it or not and either way is fine.
Counselling gave me my son back. He took so much away from that experience and he still uses skills and techniques that he learnt from therapy. He has a poem that he reads for good dreams and he has a box that he created which captures nightmares. I am so happy to see my wild child has returned, and I am so grateful that the school provided us with this.
If your child has been through something traumatic, please seek help. There are so many wonderful services out there tailored specifically for children. Improving children’s mental health in schools – Place2Be is a fantastic resource for further information on protecting your child's mental health and seeking out additional support should you need it.
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