Period trauma is defined as "any psychological, social or emotional injury/distress related to or caused by menstruation" (http://vivforyourv.com).
I lost a baby almost ten years ago. I then had two miscarriages before 12 weeks. I then had a high risk pregnancy in which I bled heavily from 10 weeks to 36 weeks and was hospitalised regularly. A lot of my trauma centred around bleeding. Since losing my son, bleeding always signified a trauma occuring. I bled following the birth of my son, I bled on the months I tried desperately to get pregnant and couldn't, I bled when I suffered both miscarriages and I bled every day throughout my pregnancy with Elliot which you can read more about here https://mutuallymums.wixsite.com/mutuallymums/post/experiencing-a-high-risk-pregnancy and here https://www.instagram.com/p/CtY7koYqXnf/.
Bleeding became a big trigger in my life. I would suffer anxiety in the week leading up to my period. I would obsessively check what date my period is due (convinced I would become pregnant again) and unnecessarily take pregnancy tests over and over again. Throughout Elliot's pregnancy, I had to monitor my bleeding religiously and determine to what extent I was bleeding. I would still monitor this long after I was done having children. This had become some weird trauma response, giving me some sense of control and order.
It is ten years since my first loss, and periods are still somewhat of a triggering event for me. I will be going on holiday with my family soon, and my next period is two days before we leave. For weeks, I built up the courage to call the doctor and request medication to delay my period. Thousands of women do this all the time, and it is completely normal and safe to do so. I know this and yet, because of my experiences, the thought of my period not arriving like clockwork is quite daunting for me. I finally rang and found out that, because of my history of blood clots, and my high risk of future blood clots, I am unable to take this medication. My initial reaction was outrage, and I text my mum and sister to tell them it had ruined the start of my holiday. But actually, I'm relieved. I'm relieved my period will arrive on the same day it always does, I'm relieved I don't have to deal with the anxiety and stress around periods whilst on holiday.
Period trauma is something that isn't often discussed, but I bet so many women who have experienced loss can relate to these feelings. I opened a discussion around this topic on Instagram @mutuallymums and one follower said "Hi Nicola, period trauma affected me after our second loss which was a missed miscarriage and I gave birth in our bathroom. I eventually redecorated the bathroom to try to banish the memories but now when I have my period I sometimes get flashbacks. I bled really heavily in my first period post having my rainbow and I found that really difficult".
If this is something that affects or has affected you since losing a baby, I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences if you feel able to do so. Let's help other women at the start of their journey, know that they are not alone ❤️
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